文书写作教程：重点考虑的几个问题

文书写作教程：重点考虑的几个问题
http://www.gter.net 2002-10-31 12:17:09 作者:www.51edit.com

Graduate School Statements 101

Lesson Two: Specific Themes and Questions

Part of what makes the personal statement so difficult is that you need to
do so much in one essay. Unlike the college application essay where your
motivation is unquestioned and your goals can remain undefined, writing a
personal statement for admission to graduate school requires that you
incorporate multiple themes in one composition. Needless to say, this can
be tricky.
There are three basic themes for you to consider:
1. Why you want to study your field / attend this graduate school.
2. What makes you unique, different, or exceptional.
3. Why you are qualified.
You might focus on only one theme or try to incorporate all three. No
matter how you choose to do it, remember that if your essay doesn't
ultimately express your motivation for attending graduate school and pose
an argument for why you should be accepted, you've missed the mark.
In this section you will also find Question-Specific strategies for
specific essay topics. If you face a specific question not listed here, be
sure to check out our College Admissions Essay Help Course or our Business
School Admissions Essay Help Course for question-specific strategies on
over 20 different common questions. Many graduate schools have some short
answer questions that are thoroughly explored in other sections of this
site.
1. Why Graduate School?
The secret to doing this theme well is to show why you want to study your
field. Don't just say it and expect it to stand on its own. Admissions
officers want believable details from your life that demonstrate your
desire and make it real to them.
One secret to avoiding the here-we-go-again reaction is to keep an eye on
your first line. Starting with "I've wanted to be a physicist since…"
makes admissions officers cringe. Yes, we know it's an easy line to fall
back on, but these poor people have read this sentence more times than they
can count, and it gets old fast. Instead, start with a story that
demonstrates your early call to law. Look, for example, at the first
paragraph of *this essay:
"That's not fair." Even as the smallest of children, I remember making such
a proclamation: in kindergarten it was "not fair" when I had to share my
birthday with another little girl and didn't get to sit on the "birthday
chair." When General Mills changed my favorite childhood breakfast
cereal, "Kix," I, of course, thought this was "not fair." Unlike many kids
(like my brother) who would probably have shut up and enjoyed the "great
new taste" or switched to Cheerios, this kid sat her bottom down in a chair
(boosted by the phone book) and typed a letter to the company expressing
her preference for the "classic" Kix over the "great new taste" Kix.
In telling the story, this writer demonstrates that the roots of her
political activism run deep without having to ever say it. She doesn't just
tell us and expect us to take her word for it-she shows us.
Another approach that is overdone is the "my dad is a XXX" approach. Some
admissions officers said that when the only reason an applicant gives for
wanting to study a field is a family legacy, it makes them question not
only the motivation but the maturity of the applicant. While this doesn't
mean you need to hide the fact that your parent is a member of your desired
field, it does mean that you should avoid depending on that as your sole
reason for wanting to go to graduate school. If a parent truly was your
inspiration, then describe exactly why you were inspired by them, and what
you have done to test your motivation in the real world.
*Sample Essay: English Major
Note: This essay appears unedited for instructional purposes. Essays edited
by 51Edit.com are substantially improved.
"That's not fair." Even as the smallest of children, I remember making such
a proclamation: in kindergarten it was "not fair" when I had to share my
birthday with another little girl and didn't get to sit on the "birthday
chair." When General Mills changed my favorite childhood breakfast
cereal, "Kix," I, of course, thought this was "not fair." Unlike many kids
(like my brother) who would probably have shut up and enjoyed the "great
new taste" or switched to Cheerios, this kid sat her bottom down in a chair
(boosted by the phone book) and typed a letter to the company expressing
her preference for the "classic" Kix over the "great new taste" Kix.
Through the plenty of "not fair" incidents that followed, my mother tried
to explain that unfair things happen sometimes, but I never accepted the
idea of an unfair world and began to realize that there were a great many
situations and conditions that were "not fair" to women.
At age ten, I was mortified that all the boys in my Catechism class were
signing up to be altar servers, but girls could not. When my grandmother
told me that, at one time, because she was a woman, she was only allowed to
touch the altar when she was cleaning it-the fight against the Catholic
Church was on. Once again, I sat my bottom down in the chair (still with
the phone book) and typed a letter to the Monsignor requesting to be
trained as an altar server. With no immediate response, I respectfully but
persistently harassed the Monsignor and the other priests every Sunday when
I saw them in church, until, nearly two years later, I became an altar
server. At age twelve I was almost too old to appreciate the new privilege,
but there are girls becoming altar servers in that church to this day.
Fighting against things "not fair" for women has been my goal throughout my
education, just as it will be in my future, and I have had several unique
opportunities toward this end.
I have worked two summers in a Sacramento, California, law firm for the
managing partner, a brilliant litigator and a woman who really cares about
justice, on two of the biggest cases of her career. I performed legal
research relevant to the issues of spoliation and antitrust, and I directly
assisted Ms. F with trial preparation, accompanying her to court during the
trials. Under her guidance I have learned the inner workings of litigation,
and I have seen that unfairness pervades all types of law. Having
experienced litigation, I know the heavy work load that characterizes trial
preparation and can safely say that I approach a legal career aware of its
realities.
I have also participated in the [school] Center for American Politics and
Public Policy (CAPPP) Quarter in Washington program, which allowed me to
take classes at the [school] Center and intern at the National Women's Law
Center in D.C. The Law Center showed me the public interest side of law,
the area of law that I hope to enter in order to address the women's issues
that are so important to me. Public interest offers the opportunity to help
women who need it the most, those who could not otherwise afford legal
assistance and who are often victims of the "not fair," of violations of
their civil rights.
My classes at [school] and through CAPPP, as well as my participation in
the volunteer program at the [school] Women's Resource Center, have
afforded me the chance to research issues of the "not fair" for women.
Violence against women, an unfairness that maims and rapes and kills, has
evolved into a special interest of mine that I hope to pursue through
future work in a sex crimes division in criminal prosecution. For two
classes at [school] I have researched domestic violence and battered women
who kill their abusers. While in Washington, D.C., I studied acquaintance
rape among adolescents: after making an extensive review of the existing
literature, I tried to conduct original research interviewing teenagers at
a recreation center in Alexandria, Virginia.
Though at the last moment the recreation center directors did not authorize
my project, I did discover a class called "Self-Defense is More than
Karate" that was developed by the Office on Women in Alexandria to instruct
high school students on relationships,HIV/AIDS, dating violence, and sexual
assault. After I observed one week of the program, the Community Education
Coordinator asked me to research how such education influences teens,
interviewing students before and after they take the class, for the Office
on Women. Currently, I seek a research grant from the [school] College
Honors Program that would allow me to go back to D.C. in the spring to
carry out this project.
Fighting the "not fair" is certainly a driving force for me; however, I
have chosen to pursue law not only because I consider it to be a weapon
against injustice, but also because it fascinates me. My love for the law
echoes my love for literature. I participated in theater in high school and
majored in English in college because I enjoy analyzing the subtleties,
innuendos, and themes that serve as the foundation of a literary work or a
dramatic performance. I strive to understand the stories behind the
characters involved. I am awed by the power of language and the influence
art and literature can have on the values, thoughts, and actions of the
audience. So goes the influence on the law: they call it "courtroom drama"
for a reason. Just as literature tells a story, so does each legal case, be
it criminal or civil; the way in which the law applies to each case must be
analyzed and, in some instances, constructed.Law reflects as much as it
influences the beliefs of the people it governs.
Both law and literature are instruments of change. Furthermore, literature
and law can give voice to people who have been traditionally silenced. Just
as I love so much to hear the voices of others through literature, I want
to use my voice in the realm of the law, calling out "not fair" for those
who have not been heard. I want to have a positive influence on the lives
of women and all people, be it in the civil or criminal realm, and in law
school I hope to gain the tools to do just that.
2. Why Qualified?
Another major theme deals with your experience and qualifications both for
attending graduate school and for becoming a contributing member of your
field. Having work experience or research experience in your field is
always the best evidence you can give. If you have none, then consider what
other experience you have that is related. The rule to follow here is: If
you have it, use it.
Field Experience
Direct experience with your field of study is the best kind to have in your
essay. But the important thing to remember here is that any type or amount
of experience you have had should be mentioned, no matter how insignificant
you feel it is. Here is an **example of an essay by an HIV counselor and
one by an ***applicant with ER experience who both are applying to medical
school.
Research Experience
A word of caution: Do not focus solely on your research topic unless this
is the standard practice of your field of study and you must outline your
thesis. By over relying on your research, you risk your essay sounding
impersonal. Watch out for overuse of jargon. If it is necessary for the
description of your project, then, of course, you have no choice. But
including jargon in your essay just because you are able to will not
impress anyone. ***This applicant, for example, delves into the use of
scientific and medical terms, but also also spends enough time away from
them to reveal his own personal, non-technical voice.
Unusual Field Experience
Even if you have no formal experience, you might still have field
experience that counts. Maybe you are an accomplished amateur astronomer or
have been researching quantum physics for years before deciding to pursue a
PhD. ****This applicant deals with a fascinating success story: The writer
was forced to become a doctor by default in a village in Honduras for a
summer, even though she had no formal training, no experience, and her only
supply was "a $15 Johnson & Johnson kit."
** Sample Essay: Harvard Medical School Essay
Note: This essay appears unedited for instructional purposes. Essays edited
by 51Edit.com are substantially improved.
High School Teacher with AIDS; SCID/Genetics Research Experience; HIV
Counselor
Before I found out that my high school Spanish teacher was HIV-positive,
AIDS was not much more than a bunch of statistics to me. The disease, its
course, and the people afflicted with it seemed alien to my life-as distant
as the continent from which the virus was supposed to have sprung. Then Mr.
T. stopped coming to school. When he reappeared a few months later to wish
us well on the advanced placement exam, his face looked sallow. His voice,
once a thunderous bass that rumbled in class and reverberated down the
hallway, was weak and thin. Seeing my teacher looking so unfamiliar was my
shocking introduction to AIDS. I felt as if I were in the presence of a
stranger, this mysterious disease, who was insulting Mr. T. right in front
of my eyes. I wanted to know who this stranger was.
I entered college, believing that biology could explain to me why life's
processes went awry. I learned that the body is exquisitely complex, but I
was reassured by the underlying theme of systems. Even if I didn't know all
the molecules and connections, there seemed no denying that a fundamental
order existed.
From physiology to cell biology to molecular genetics, my classes presented
smaller and smaller systems to explain the origins of diseases. Finally, in
genes, with their innocuous four letter alphabet, I felt I was learning the
foundation of it all. If biology provided the keys to understanding life,
then genetics must be the master key (if only we could see some of the
doors we were trying to open). During two summers in a research laboratory
at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, I helped track down the gene
causing X-linked severe combined immunodeficiency (SCID).
Even though AIDS and SCID are very different diseases (SCID is exclusively
hereditary), each compromises the body's defense mechanisms against foreign
pathogens. I felt this was a significant connection. In SCID, I was meeting
a distant cousin of AIDS. Learning about common themes of immunodeficiency
disorders, such as the perils of opportunistic infections, helped me to
begin to understand what had happened to Mr. T. In the SCID laboratory, and
in classroom seminars on infectious diseases, science was helping me
demystify disease.
In the same year that Mr. T. became ill, my grandfather died during bypass
surgery and my father underwent chemotherapy and radiation treatment for
colon cancer. Since then, disease has had a human face for me. To better
understand how people deal with disease or the fear of disease, I've become
a volunteer counselor in an HIV clinic.
Speaking to people who come in for free testing, I've found that discussing
HIV, getting the scary words (and acronyms) out in the open, is a way for
many people to release their anxiety. Through expression in their own
words, they make the disease real, which helps them to see that it is also
preventable. Then, they often take the next step, making specific goals to
maintain their health, whether they are HIV-negative or positive. What
science in class and lab did for me in confronting the difficult issues of
AIDS, talk does for my clients.
As an HIV counselor in an anonymous clinic, I feel both the potential of my
role and its limits. I can't go home with my clients to remind them to keep
condoms under the bed, but I can help them make a plan-something that could
stay with them much longer than the information I offer. At the end of one
session, one client surprised me with his response to a question I had
asked: "What do you think you'll do with the HIV information?" There was a
silence in the counseling room as the client pondered, but I recall sensing
the comfort of the silence. This was a session that seemed to be producing
the potential for a breakthrough (not every session does), and I waited
patiently. He responded, "I think I'll ask my girlfriend to use her own
needles." Then, the client thanked me for having asked the question.
I was thrown. My client proposed a strategy for reducing his HIV risk, but
he didn't address what was likely his main issue-heroin use. Should I
validate his plan? In effect, that's what I did, because I didn't challenge
the drug issue. When he left the clinic, I practically wanted to follow him
out the door. I wondered if I would ever see him again and be able to ask
him how his plan was going. I wondered if he would ultimately seek help for
his drug use. My supervisor reminded me that I had done my job as an HIV
counselor. I had helped the client make a plan; he had even thanked me for
it.
And I can thank him in return. He reminded me that although I have worked
to understand disease in the classroom, the laboratory, and the clinic, I
still have much to learn about caring for all aspects of a patient's
health. I am eager to continue the learning process in the New Pathway
Program at Harvard Medical School.
*** Sample Essay: Harvard Medical School Essay
Note: This essay appears unedited for instructional purposes. Essays edited
by 51Edit.com are substantially improved.
Radiation Oncology Volunteer; Biochemical Lab Experience; Neurosurgery
Research; ER Volunteer; English Language Tutor; Student Advisor; Community
Service
"Carl, the woman we're about to meet will receive her first palliative
treatment today," said Dr. A., an Attending in Radiation Oncology. He
continued to explain her case as we walked briskly down the hallways of the
hospital. I followed him into the radiation treatment room to meet the
patient and learn about the procedure which, sadly, would not eradicate her
disease. Since then, I have met with him weekly throughout this summer to
learn about radiation oncology and medicine in general. Through experiences
such as these, I have learned much about the profession of medicine. I want
to become a physician for the intellectual challenges and rewards that come
from helping others.
I first became interested in medical research by working in a biochemical
engineering laboratory at MIT. For over two years I explored the medically
related field, biotechnology. I have led experiments involving fermentation
bioreactors and trained two inexperienced undergraduates. Recently, I
presented a poster entitled "Effect of Antifoam during Filtration of
Recombinant Bacterial Broth" at a New England Society for Industrial
Microbiology colloquium. Enjoying the biomedical rather than engineering
aspects of the work, I have shifted my career interests to medicine.
Last summer, I expanded my interest in medicine by working for the
Neurosurgery Department at Brigham and Women's Hospital. After a short
training period, I worked independently on three research projects:
Clonality analysis of schwannomas, clonality analysis of a multiple
meningioma, and the loss of heterozygosity (LOH) screening of pituitary
adenomas. I developed a strong interest in my work when I observed my
mentor, Dr. Peter Black, remove brain tumors in the operating room. After
the initial shock and amazement of seeing the exposed brain of a conscious
patient, I thought more about the connections between this clinical work
and my research. While my projects' objective was to gain a better
understanding of tumors, the ultimate goal is to prevent and cure tumors to
save human lives-the very people whom I had seen on the operating table!
With this thought in mind, I found the motivation to complete the short-
term objectives of my projects. I will be the second author of a paper,
entitled "Clonality Analysis of Schwannomas," which will be submitted to
Neurosurgery.
This summer, as a participant in NYU Medical Center's Summer Undergraduate
Research Program (S.U.R.P.), I am learning even more about research and
clinical medicine. In my work, I am determining the effect of the absence
of the N-ras protooncogene on induced tumorigenesis. By conducting
molecular oncology research for another summer, I have greatly expanded my
knowledge and interest in the field. In addition, through my experiences in
the Radiation Oncology Department with Dr. S., I clearly see the greater
purpose of medical research beyond personal intellectual gratification. In
the case of cancer and many other diseases, research is the only way to
overcome the limitations of current clinical treatments.
I believe that one of the greatest joys and privileges of physicians are
their abilities to directly aid and affect a community. While becoming
interested in the science of medicine through research, I have explored
human service to understand the art of medicine. When I volunteered in the
Emergency Room of New England Medical Center during my sophomore year, many
physicians impressed me with their sensitivity and compassion. When not
assisting the hospital staff, I took every opportunity to comfort patients
who felt scared and vulnerable. During that same year, I also tutored a
middle-aged woman in English as a Second Language. It was challenging to
teach her vocabulary and sentence structure since, initially, simple
communication with her had been difficult. Helping her pass the high school
equivalency exam made all of my efforts worthwhile. In addition, I have
been an Associate Advisor for freshmen for the past two years. In this
role, I have helped first year students adjust to college life. Not only
have I played the role of academic mentor, but I have also become an
intimate friend and personal tutor to my advisees. For my efforts, I won
the annual Outstanding Associate Advisor Award.
Besides individual volunteering, I have taken the initiative to help the
local community on a greater scale. As Community Service Chair for the
Chinese Student's Club for the past two years, I established a new program
to promote the interaction between MIT students and underprivileged
teenagers. College students and children affiliated with a local community
organization, Boston Asian: Youth Essential Service, have become acquainted
through regular activities. Through events such as a scavenger hunt and a
hands-on introduction to the World Wide Web, MIT volunteers help teenagers
learn about the opportunities available at college. Along with several
other undergraduates, I have become further acquainted with the teens
through individual tutoring. To establish this new service program, I have
done intensive planning and budget management. I have refined rough,
creative ideas into organized activities involving over twenty people.
During the planning stages, I have worked closely with professional youth
counselors, other MIT participants, and the teens. While my involvement in
this program has been very demanding at times, seeing these teens learn and
develop their interests has definitely made it worthwhile.
During college I have learned many things outside of lecture halls and
libraries. In research labs, I have refined my intellectual curiosity and
scientific thought processes. In the local community, I have developed my
interpersonal skills and a greater understanding of others. Through it all,
I have learned to treasure the simple pleasures of helping others. By
becoming a physician, I will continue to develop and apply these personal
attributes.
**** Sample Essay: Duke School of Medicine
Note: This essay appears unedited for instructional purposes. Essays edited
by 51Edit.com are substantially improved.
Survivor of Anorexia; Emergency Medical Technician Training; Clinic
Experience; Medical Volunteer in Honduras; HIV Test Counselor
I decided that I wanted to be a doctor sometime after my four month
incarceration in Columbia Presbyterian Children's Hospital in the winter of
1986-87, as I struggled with anorexia nervosa. Through the maturation
process that marked my recovery, I slowly came to realize that my
pediatrician had saved my life-despite my valiant efforts to the contrary.
Out of our individual stubborn wills was born a kind of mutual respect, and
he is one of the people who make up my small collection of heroes.
I admire doctors who understand both what is said and what is held back,
who move comfortably around the world of the body, and who treat all
patients with respect. I am lucky because a few of them have become my
impromptu teachers, taking a little extra time to instruct me in anatomy,
disease or courtesy. During my Emergency Medical Technician training, one
of the emergency room doctors took me to radiology to point out the shadow
of a fracture in a CT-scan and trusted me to hold a little girl's lip while
he inserted sutures. The physicians in the Hospital 12 de Octubre in
Madrid, Spain taught me to hear lung sounds and to feel an enlarged liver
and spleen. They explained the social and medical difficulties associated
with the management of pediatric AIDS until I understood the Spanish well
enough to begin asking questions; then they answered them.
I work now in the Mayfield Community Clinic, which provides primary care to
members of the Spanish-speaking community near Stanford University. My job
as a patient advocate involves taking histories, performing simple
procedures and providing family planning and HIV counseling. I try to use
the knowledge I have gained from class and practice to formulate the right
set of questions to ask each patient, but I am constantly reminded of how
much I have to learn. I look at a baby and notice its cute, pudgy toes. Dr.
V. plays with it while conversing with its mother, and in less than a
minute has noted its responsiveness, strength, and attachment to its
parent, and checked its reflexes, color and hydration. Gingerly, I search
for the tympanic membrane in the ears of a cooperative child and touch an
infant's warm, soft belly, willing my hands to have a measure of Dr. V.'s
competence.
I first felt the need to be competent regarding the human body when I
volunteered with the Amigos de Las Americas program in the town of T. in
Lempira, Honduras. The hospital available to the people of T. (at a day's
ride in the bed of a truck) was "where one went to die," so my partner and
I, with our basic first aid certifications and our $15 Johnson & Johnson
kits, quickly became makeshift "doctors". The responsibility initially
created a heady feeling; a distressed mother called on us to bandage the
toe her eight-year-old son had accidentally sliced to the bone with his
machete. I told him the story of Beauty and the Beast in broken Spanish
while my partner and I soaked the dirt from his toe, and during the
following week we watched him heal.
Then our foster-mother, who normally tended to the sick, told my partner
and me to "check on the foot" of D. The gentle-eyed, sixty-five year old
man lay on his bed, his leg encased in bloody bandages from mid-calf to
toe. After performing surgery, the hospital had given him a bottle of
injectable antibiotics and some clean needles and sent him home without
bandages or further instructions. My partner and I had not been trained to
handle so serious a situation. We did not know what had happened; we did
not know what the antibiotics were (or if they were actually antibiotics);
we did not know if handling D.'s blood put us at risk for disease. We
wanted to leave, but leaving the house meant leaving D. and betraying our
foster-mother's trust. So we injected the antibiotics and cleaned and
bandaged the wound every day for our remaining two weeks in Honduras
although we felt ill-equipped for the responsibility, crippled by our
ignorance and lack of supplies.
In T., I did not feel qualified to receive the trust the townspeople gave
so willingly. As an HIV-antibody test counselor in California, I struggle
everyday to win my clients' confidence. Somehow a twenty-one-year-old,
Caucasian female must be sincere, knowledgeable and open enough to earn the
respect of a fifty-five-year-old man who could be her father, a high school
sophomore, an ex-drug addict, and a pregnant Latina woman. My clients are
black, white, straight, gay, Ph.D. candidates and illiterate; some choose
to come to me while others have court-orders. Yet to communicate
effectively, each client must have enough confidence in me to engage in
dialogue about his drug or sex life and to believe what I tell him, whether
or not he chooses to act on our discussion.
Speaking with patients, doctors and community members has opened my eyes to
some of the difficulties involved with healthcare provision, and I hope I
have given some inspiration or comfort in exchange for the knowledge I have
received. I want these lessons in openness and compassion to shape my
understanding of medicine and allow me to become the type of doctor I
admire.
　

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