寄托作文点评：issue 172

http://www.admissiontest.org 2003-1-27 16:56:23 寄托天下作者:paisley cllaire77

172"Important truths begin as outrageous, or at least uncomfortable, attacks upon the accepted wisdom of the time."

Most people claim that they prefer truths and are always in pursue(应该是pursuit) of them. Admittedly, truths are given high respect in civilizedsociety and therefore appear to be accepted willingly by everyone who is
honesty（应该是honest） and upright. However, the confusing fact is that,
in some cases, truths begin as outrageous, or at least uncomfortable, attacks upon the accepted wisdom of the time. That is to say, truths, especially those concerned with fundamental principle of the age, are not
always accepted by people immediately. Them（笔误吗？应该是they） even might be derogated as false and （应该加个may，保持前后的结构平衡）receive（用 receive太生硬，用invite比较好，表示“招来”） violent critique（这词不常用，还是critic比较好。不过“批评”在这里并不恰当，我认为。首先他们遭到的是反对，而不是批评）.

In the first place, important truths in science field（in the field of science感觉好些） are always doubted and(应该补一个are) difficult to be admitted when being discovered for the first time and revealed in public.
There are many examples in history. Nobody believed Galileo when he claims (时态错误) that two balls of different weights would fall to the ground from the same height in the same time, since it is(时态错误) inconsistent with the common sense in that age. It was not taken as a truth until he did the experiment on the famous tower. It seems that every new discovery or every new theory, although they are true, has to be tested for a period of time before being accepted.

In the second place, important truths revealing the hidden fact in a
society confront intensive doubt and are rejected as lies.(我觉得这个理由和上面一点没有什么区别啊) It is especially true in the changing of society.
Cases are always in such a way: one dynast was near its death, yet its
ruler still hoped to continue it and concealed the bad things from the
public. Then someone discriminated the unfair and evil and revealed them to
provoke the public, but these true voices were quelled by the ruler and
even the public was reluctant to accept them. Truths would not become
truths until most of the people were aware of their authenticity, which
always needs a long time and great effort.

However, to claim that all important truths begin as outrageous or at least
uncomfortable is unwarranted. On one hand, if the truth is consistent with
the accepted wisdom of the time, it is surly be accepted without much
doubt. On the other hand, if the truth is novelty(这是名词,应该用形容词形式的) and collides with the conventional knowledge of the age, great effort is needed to make it accepted by society.

In conclusion, truths are either consistent or inconsistent to the accepted wisdom of the time and thus we have to be very object(这是动词，不能放在very后面) to judge truth and should not be obscured by the established opinions in our mind. For those who make new discovery and gain new understanding, it is necessary to be prepared for the possible challenge and stand firmly on their own ground, yet pay attention to the method how to persuade the society.

1。总的来说还不错，思路比较清楚，语言也很干净明白。问题在于，你的语言比较单调，句式缺乏变化，有些词反复的用而没有用同意词替代。这两条都是GRE作文很讲究的。另外，你的句子平衡性的敏感不够，太随意的使用and。and前面用个动词结构，后面用个名词结构这样的写法，感觉不太好。

2。字数不是问题，你这样的字数可以了，虽然稍微再长些更好

3。还有一个问题，你的思维还停留在浅层次上，类似于托福作文，这样不容易得高分。其实这个问题还可以深究的。为什么新思想一出来容易受到怀疑和讽刺？有那些具体的例子？（家里略的例子太平淡了，也没有突出这种“怀疑”）。你是否想到人们的怀疑和抵制背后的身层次原因呢？除了害怕冒险，倾向于稳定等。还有比如对老产品的冲击会使原来的商人无利可图。以及科学权贵们对自身地位的维护，本能的反对新学说（比如牛顿对青年才俊的压制）等等。这些都是可以进一步发挥的。

4。你好象没有注意看我们以前的讨论和好帖子。我们反复强调，不要摸棱两可，要有鲜明的立场。这样比较合老美的胃口。你的结论也有些庸俗，就是说，比较中国人思维的那种，未必要各打八十大板才可以做结尾的。完全可以激情一点。呵呵。
　

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