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http://www.microedu.com 2003-10-23 10:06:41 寄托天下作者:sherren & 木耳

　

Topics:government should focus more on solve the immediate problems today rather than try to solve the anticipated problems in the future.In today’s sophisticated(这个词好像不太好，一般是指人城府深，处世老道圆滑）society, all kinds（注意用语的准确客观。真的是所有的问题都搅在一起吗？） of problems mingle together coincidently（最好用非限定性定语从句） some of which might influence the current lives of people, others might affect the development of the society of future generations. Sometimes they might be contradictory with each other. In order to meet all the requirements at the same time better and consequently direct correctly the progress of human society, government should pay sufficient attention to those immediate problems which are crucial for current civilian lives, and they should also concern about those future programs which are the necessary basis for the development of the future society.

这一段有些长了。字数不少，但实质性的内容不多。如果第一段不能写出新意，那就简单明了，说明论点了事。起码做到准确鲜明。

Government should constantly care about and solve those immediate problems which confront current civilians during daily lives and impede them severely. For example, unemployment is an urgent and crucial difficulty for those who are lacking sufficient food, clothes, houses and other basic living facilities.（失业对于那些缺衣少食的人是严重的问题。限定的范围是不是狭窄了？还不如说失业对于很多社会，无论是社会保障不完善的发展中社会还是经济进入缓慢增长期的发达国家都是严重的问题） Government should constitute efficientstratagems as soon as possible to relieve them from the hardship. The earlier the stratagems was（没有必要用过去时） made, the earlier those could get warm（温暖？）, furthermore, the safer the society is because the penurious people feel warranted and don’t adopt radical actions to air the grievances to the government. Without the help of the government , the difficuty would afflict them everyday, even eventually deprive their lives, consequently, other people will consider the society a cruel one and will not feel lighthearted living in such circomstance. 结构挺清楚，粒子也不错。不过个人认为语言还是有些罗嗦。如果能再加一个例子并精炼一下语言，相信会更好。

Without the concern of the government, some immediate problems maybe lead to serious outcomes. For instance, social crimes should be controlled right away. Without the government’s control, thieves spread（这个词用得不好）everywhere ,（用分号） furthermore, they gradually turn to plunder. Without the government’s control, people could let off their rage, jealousy by injuring even murdering others without any scruple. As a result, public orders would be destroyed and ordinary lives would be in a mass. 前一个例子还可以，但后一个不好。记住，一定要扣题，体现anticipated problems in the future 比如说可以写如果对当今遍布全国的小造纸厂对环境造成的污染不加管理，那这样的问题在不远的将来就会发展成全国性的水质下降，森林资源枯竭等等。
While there are some other kinds of immediate problems which should be suspended for a while which are not the pressing problems but just the programs of satisfying minority’s superior enjoyment. Such as, build luxurious houses or superior entertaining place. Contrasted to the above,the money used in luxurious programs will produce more social value if it could be invested to those problems like unemployment because it could salvage numerous people’s lives.

论点不错，但和论据在一块看就不太对了。你在这段要说的是在社会资源有限但问题很多的情况下，要慎重选择，首先解决最严重迫切的问题。所以你所列觉得一定要时待解决的社会问题：比如说城镇的失业问题和农村的贫困问题。但 build luxurious houses or superior entertaining place是社会问题吗？再好好想一下。 Some long-term programs should also be concerned by the government which
inevitably affect the development of the future society. As chairman Deng Xiaoping of China once said (and I paraphrase):”Talented persons are the first productivity.” he means that education is one of the basic and the most important elements for the development of the whole country. It is by education that we can train（不要用训练这个词，象是训练动物或机器，很不人性。） knowledgeable（high quanlified是不是好一些？知识不等于全部） persons in all territories to promote the technical advance of the country, to make better the atmosphere and ethical standard of the society. Therefore, governments should attach adequate importance to education. Neglecting education will result in the suspension even retrogradation of the human society.
结尾再总结一下。你这段是要讨论长远的问题。教育只是一个例子。最后再说一句，归结到长远的问题。

Meanwhile, government should distinguish the foundational long-term programs with those（those什么？） , and decrease the interests to them whose benefits are very limited and costs are expensive. For instance, theresearch of AIDS. The cost is innumerable and countless experts have devoted the whole lives to it, but just in order to salve few persons’lives. If Government could limit the cost and technologists to it and invest them to common items, what they could help is innumerable populace. 我个人非常不同意你的论据！当今的AIDS绝不是只关系到少数人的问题！如果控制稍有不慎，后果不堪设想。

To sum up, on the one hand, government should deliberate more on the common, pressing immediate problems, meantime, neglect unnecessary immediate problems. On the other hand , they should also pay close attention to the essential and foundational anticipated problems of the future ,meanwhile, qualify the investment to the narrow-effect and costly researchs.

语言不错，逻辑也较清晰。问题主要出在论据上。
加油哦。照这个趋势下去，你一定会考的很好的。

　

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